Friend Qualifiers

Bart Sells His Soul

An example of a functioning friendship.

You meet new people every single day – it’s pretty impossible not to – unless you’re a hermit or mentally unstable. Strangers acquaint each other by exchanging pleasantries, the usual “Hi, how are you? I’m so and so. Nice to meet you.” But what each person is really wondering is, “Am I even going to build a friendship with this person? Is it worth it? What’s in it for me?” Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe the process of building friend networks is to enhance your power in this big, blue world.

For the Simpsons fan, a very different series of questions runs through his head when meeting new people. He’ll begin pondering, “Is this person going to know Apu’s last name? Do she know who Stampy is? Does she know who shot Mr. Burns?”  I am not being cheeky: if you aren’t a fan of the Simpsons, or if you can’t respect why I’m such a big fan, we can’t be friends. Period.

Does anyone else feel the same way? Common interests are important when establishing new relationships. Having an affinity for the Simpsons is like having a key to the most exclusive (and coolest) club in the world. It gives you access to knowledge you’d otherwise never gain.  For example, being able to identify a kwijibo out of a crowd or knowing how to utilize sappy journalism as a means of revenge.

I just love The Simpsons. It perplexes me when I meet people my age who aren’t huge fans of the show. Your cool points dwindle when you can’t decipher between Patty and Selma. God forbid you don’t know who Jub-Jub is – turn around and walk away.

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3 Responses to “Friend Qualifiers”

  1. Docko Says:

    I cannot count how many times I’ve given my soul out in exactly this manner. However, my breath would still fog freezer covers and doors would still open for me. I think I may be doing it wrong.

  2. Reading Digest: Quality(?) Over Quantity Edition « Dead Homer Society Says:

    […] Friend Qualifiers – Can you be good friends with someone who doesn’t like The Simpsons?  I suppose you can but I am always dismayed when people shrug their shoulders at the show.  I blame Zombie Simpsons for cheapening them.  […]


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